Premier League weekend preview by Gerry McDonnell (Friday, May 09, 2008)

Weekend Tips / A Lazy 'Worst Of' Compilation Saying goodbye to the football season is very much like giving birth to a ginger child: after nine months of optimism, hope and anguish, you're left with a genuine feeling of disappointment. The final day is often emotional. Who could forget Arsenal pipping Liverpool to the title in 1989? Well sadly, my old man. In fact, if you see a small befuddled pensioner roaming the streets, you'll be better off avoiding football trivia altogether; senility is no picnic. I'm absolutely devastated that I have to work on Sunday as the drama unfolds. The gaffer has offered me double time and a day in lieu though, which I'm reasonably happy with; but it hasn't gone down too well with Louise. Lou hasn't been this upset since Liverpool were beaten by Chelsea in the Champions League semi-final. Liverpool supporters are like Paul McCartney on his wedding night; they're struggling to get over a disappointing second leg. Steven 'more dives than Glasgow' Gerrard will hope to inspire his team-mates to a win over Spurs, but I fancy the Tottenham boys at 9/5. They can be heroes, just for Juande. Manchester United are on the verge of winning the title and I'm particularly pleased for Paul Scholes. There was a worry that Paul's career was over as a result of blurred vision, practically confirming what my mother told me. I'll have my head in my hands if Manchester United fail to beat Wigan at 1/4. As is often the case in such a high profile match, there has been plenty of early activity in the first goal scorer market. Bookmakers have already seen a monkey on Ronaldo, a pony on Carlos Tevez and an old dog on Wayne Rooney. A recently discovered tribe of Congolese pygmies have admitted knowing absolutely nothing of western civilisation, other than the fact that Steven Gerrard is better at football than Frank Lampard. Frank simply isn't that great a player, most of his goals come from his close relationship with the O'Shea family, notably Rick. Frank would need 29 attempts to score on an 18-30 stone holiday. Frank will not be happy about Chelsea finishing second best to Manchester United. I remember how upset he was when I first suggested that he had a weight problem - he sent me a text that read, 'gbvsdfabdsb'. Ashley Cole will also be unhappy with a runners-up spot. The overrated full-back is desperate for success to cement his role as a celebrity. He's already been offered a spot on next week's Jonathan Ross show, he just needs to find three pals and a piano. Chelsea are certainties to beat Bolton, i'm all over the 1/6 like John Terry on a referee. I'm no stranger to disappointment; I once watched all of Soccer AM. Alex McLeish can empathise, he would give his right arm for Birmingham to avoid relegation, but a trade of that magnitude has only ever come off for Heather Mills. I'm backing Blackburn to beat the Blues at 3/1, but be warned, the price is dropping quicker than Steven Gerrard in a penalty area. Reading are a lot like Princess Diana, they used to look good, but they've hit a wall. The wife is praying that the Royals stay up, as she's supported them ever since her English teacher wrote 'reading difficulties' on her school report. I also hope that Reading beat Derby, as I'm not a great fan of Robbie Savage - I can't forget how he kicked me off the waltzers when I was young. I can't let my heart rule my head though, I'm going to be like Robbie and mark the coupon with an 'X' at 7/2. Portsmouth are currently wobbling like a jelly on a drunken Sumo wrestler - they haven't won in their last handful of games. Actually, they haven't won in their last four games, so it's more of a Jeremy Beadle handful. I'd like to see Pompey beat Fulham as I have an enormous amount of sympathy for Harry Redknapp; he's been the subject of more enquiries than the 118-118 guys. Hollywood should make a film of Harry's life, they could call it 'The buying, the twitch and the fraud probe.' A case can be made for backing Portsmouth at 5/2 to beat Fulham, but it has more holes than Pete Doherty. I'm going to be like David Cameron in college; and get stuck into the draw at 11/4. Hopefully, my son will become a professional footballer. The last time we had a kick around in the back garden, he nutmegged me twice; nobody's regretted opening their legs on two separate occasions since Mrs Neville. Phil Neville is like the sun, you should never look directly at him. The lesser of two evils is surprisingly quite bright, he can quote the old Chinese proverb: 'Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day; give him twelve cans of lager, and he'll think that Newcastle are worth a bet at Goodison Park. You don't have to be Stephen Hawking to realise that Everton are nailed on at 10/11, even Mrs Hawking could work that one out; if she wasn't down the gym working the bags. I once said that Benjani couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo. If we were ever to meet, he'd probably want to hit me; i'd better change my name to Annette. On a related note, I once tried to hit a cow's arse with a banjo - at least that's what I told the police officer, although the lack of a banjo aroused some suspicion. Middlesbrough are a riddle, wrapped up in an enigma, shrouded in mystery, situated in a hole. The 11/10 for a Boro win over Manchester City is the most enticing proposition since Ulrika Johnson offered Sven Goran Eriksson a little slice of Swedish fish pie. Is it wrong for me to continually speak of my admiration for Cesc Fabregas? Apparently, it is during lovemaking. Cesc is a little magician. He'll have a great future in the game as long as he avoids Debbie McGee. Arsenal are a great bet at 10/11 to beat Sunderland, it's as clear as the chin on Frank Lampard's chin. As an Aston Villa supporter, i'm a huge fan of Randy Lerner. I'm not ashamed to say that all it took to make me happy was just one little Yank. I did read that a healthy male averages 20 minutes when expressing his love physically; I'm assuming that includes the taxi journey and the queue for the cashpoint. I'll be throwing my cash on a West Ham win over the Villa; the 12/5 is positively pulchritudinous. The Premier League remains my true love, but I've occasionally strayed into the arms of the football league, the SPL, the conference and the Paralympics. I'm a little bit uncomfortable about watching football at such a poor level though, but Rangers have made it into the UEFA Cup final. I'm often asked why I appear reluctant to share my expertise on the Scottish football scene. I can assure you it's not a result of xenophobia; some of my best friends know Scottish people. I know that a Celtic win over Hibernian at 1/4 will practically wrap up the title for the Bhoys. My computer is a lot like the wife, if the information is punched in correctly, positive results are guaranteed. My spreadsheet plays a sound if the odds offered on an accer are greater than the actual probability of success: when I placed 16/1 next to Middlesbrough, Tottenham and West Ham, it whipped out a guitar. Weekend Betting: Birmingham v Blackburn Sunday 11th May 15:00 Live on Sky Birmingham 21/20 Draw 13/5 Blackburn 3/1 Get on: Blackburn Chelsea v Bolton Sunday 11th May 15:00 Live on Sky Chelsea 1/6 Draw 7/1 Bolton 18/1 Get on: Chelsea Derby v Reading Sunday 11th May 15:00 Derby 11/2 Draw 7/2 Reading 8/13 Get on: Draw Everton v Newcastle Sunday 11th May 15:00 Everton 10/11 Draw 5/2 Newcastle 7/2 Get on: Everton Middlesbrough v Man City Sunday 11th May 15:00 Middlesbrough 11/10 Draw 12/5 Man City 27/10 Get on: Middlesbrough Portsmouth v Fulham Sunday 11th May 15:00 Live on Setanta Portsmouth 5/2 Draw 11/4 Fulham 6/5 Get on: Draw Sunderland v Arsenal Sunday 11th May 15:00 Sunderland 17/5 Draw 11/4 Arsenal 10/11 Get on: Arsenal Tottenham v Liverpool Sunday 11th May 15:00 Tottenham 9/5 Draw 12/5 Liverpool 7/4 Get on: Tottenham West Ham v Aston Villa Sunday 11th May 15:00 West Ham 12/5 Draw 5/2 Aston Villa 13/10 Get on: West Ham Wigan v Man Utd Sunday 11th May 15:00 Live on Sky Wigan 14/1 Draw 11/2 Man Utd 1/4 Get on: Man Utd Labels: premier-league-picks Posted by soccerbetting.info @ 11:39 PM

Premier League weekend preview by Gerry McDonnell (Thursday, October 25, 2007)

Lies, Damn Lies and Jamie Redknapp My heart goes out to supporters of Liverpool FC. The club have been rocked by Champions League failure, the validity of their Merseyside derby victory has been questioned, and they have to travel to Liverpool at least once a fortnight. Steven Gerrard probably received the brunt of the criticism after the controversial derby day win. I have an enormous amount of sympathy for the talismanic captain; it can't be easy to play football, roll over and referee all at the same time. The persecution of Dirk Kuyt is equally as perplexing. The flying Dutchman was pilloried for an alleged dangerous tackle, but who wouldn't jump in the air if they caught an unexpected glimpse of Phil Neville? Jamie Redknapp has also been slaughtered for a perceived bias in his punditry. The ex-Red claimed that Jamie Carragher's body-slam of Joleon Lescott did not merit a penalty, and amusingly maintained his stance while watching replays of the assault. Even Comical Ali would have thrown his hands up on that one. I hope Jamie will be in the studio for Sunday's big Liverpool v Arsenal match, as I'm trying to land a touch on potential Redknapp quotes. 'Stevie didn't dive, he fell over,' 'This rotation policy is a masterstroke,' 'Sure, Jamie kicked him three times, but they were accidental' and 'Rafa's beard does not make him look camper than a bowl of strawberries' are all confident selections. I'll probably have to settle for a bet on Arsenal to win the match. The Gunners are flying high in the Premiership and they scored a magnificent seven in midweek. I'm going to dive on the 21/10 like i've just received the merest of nudges outside of a penalty area. Fulham have to be opposed at the Stadium of Light. Apparently, millions of Chinese people have been killed, and people are pointing the finger at Chairman Mo. Sunderland look a great bet at 11/10 to take advantage of a club in crisis. Dave Whelan remains a genuine character. He's quick to condemn foreign managers, third-party player ownership and the loan system, yet his views on price fixing in the retail industry are kept remarkably close to his chest. The 23/20 for a Birmingham win over Wigan is vastly over inflated. I've got a lot of time for Sven Goran Eriksson, probably because he's pulled more darlings than the Chancellor of the Exchequer's wife. The 3/1 for Manchester City leaving Chelsea with a draw ticks a multitude of boxes. Joey Barton's return to first team action will take his mind off the impending court case. There's a real chance that Joey may end up doing a little stretch, and his cellmate will definitely be doing a little bird. You should be locked up if you miss out on the 13/8 for a Newcastle win at Reading. The wife is a massive fan of MC Hammer: she sings 'you can't touch this' every night. Everybody's a winner. You don't have to be drunk to partake in the 4/1 for a West Ham win over Pompey. Bolton have reportedly made Gary Megson and Graeme Souness their top two targets in their search for a new manager. I'm guessing that Phil Gartside is in possession of a barrel with extensive scrape damage. The Villa are unbeaten in four at the Reebok, they're practically unmissable at 19/10 against a Bolton side tottering on the verge of self destruction. Tottenham are also in a spot of bother. Jermain Defoe can't make the bench and Berbatov refuses to leave it. Darren Bent is about as potent as a half a shandy and they have more holes in their defence than OJ. Recent history suggests that Blackburn will hold Tottenham to a draw at 23/10; I absolutely refuse to argue. Middlesbrough have been rocked by injury news ahead of their trip to Old Trafford: Mido is definitely fit. Bookies have opened the spread on Ronaldo's dive to earn the penalty at 65?68 minutes, and that's probably a sell. United are the weekend banker at 1/5. Keith Hackett had to apologise to Rafa Benitez earlier in the season after a poor refereeing performance: I wouldn't like to think about what he now owes David Moyes. Well certainly not while other people are in the office. Everton are only facing 11 men against Derby this week, they'll hack up at 13/10. The only real positive to emerge from the Merseyside derby was the revelation that Phil Neville was quite good with his hands. I'm guessing that's born of necessity. Newcastle, Everton and Arsenal are the standout weekend picks, they form a 17/1 treble that even Phil can get on. Weekend Betting: Birmingham v Wigan Saturday 27th October 15:00 Birmingham 23/20 Draw 23/10 Wigan 13/5 Get on: Birmingham Match Special: Birmingham to win and keep a clean sheet 23/10 Chelsea v Man City Saturday 27th October 15:00 Chelsea 4/7 Draw 3/1 Man City 6/1 Get on: Draw Match Special: No goalscorer in the match 11/1 Man Utd v Middlesbrough Saturday 27th October 15:00 Man Utd 1/5 Draw 6/1 Middlesbrough 18/1 Get on: Man Utd Match Special: Rooney and Tevez both to score 5/1 Reading v Newcastle Saturday 27th October 15:00 Reading 17/10 Draw 12/5 Newcastle 13/8 Get on: Newcastle Match Special: Martins to score two or more goals 9/1 Sunderland v Fulham Saturday 27th October 15:00 Sunderland 11/10 Draw 23/10 Fulham 13/5 Get on: Sunderland Match Special: Kenwyne Jones to score with a header 5/1 Portsmouth v West Ham Saturday 27th October 17:15 Live on Setanta Portsmouth 5/6 Draw 5/2 West Ham 4/1 Get on: West Ham Match Special: Bellamy to score the only goal of the game 66/1 Bolton v Aston Villa Sunday 28th October 13:30 Live on Sky Bolton 17/10 Draw 23/10 Aston Villa 19/10 Get on: Aston Villa Match Special: Agbonlahor to score the first goal 8/1 Derby v Everton Sunday 28th October 14:00 Derby 12/5 Draw 5/2 Everton 13/10 Get on: Everton Match Special: Arteta to score at any time 5/1 Tottenham v Blackburn Sunday 28th October 15:00 Tottenham 5/4 Draw 23/10 Blackburn 11/4 Get on: Draw Match Special: Match to finish 2-2 14/1 Liverpool v Arsenal Sunday 28th October 16:00 Live on Sky Liverpool 11/8 Draw 23/10 Arsenal 21/10 Get on: Arsenal Match Special: Arsenal to score three or more goals 6/1 Labels: premier-league-picks Posted by soccerbetting.info @ 1:26 PM