Premier League weekend preview by Gerry McDonnell (Thursday, January 31, 2008)

The hurly bird catches the worm Call me old-fashioned, but i believe that fidelity remains the cornerstone of a successful relationship. I would never cheat on my wife, unless the opportunity arose. I have serious doubts over my wife's respect for monogamy. The word on the street is that Ashley Cole was physically sick while performing the horizontal 64-second jig, which fits in perfectly with the wife's M.O. I can't condemn Cole too strongly, as he's not the first man to hurl after munching on a late-night kebab. On reflection, he probably should have stuck with a sausage sandwich. A Chelsea draw against Pompey ticks all the right boxes at 5/2, and then cleans them with disinfectant. It's been reported that Ashley refused to wrap up his little heat-seeking missile before sending him into battle. Apart from the obvious risk of pieces falling off, there is also the danger of an unwanted pregnancy. If I didn't regularly suffocate my mini whale-hunter, I could have had three children by now. Fulham are also lackadaisical in defence, they're on a 14 match winless streak. Aston Villa will take full advantage at 7/5. Adebayor is a quality player, but you can't solve a problem by planting your nut on it; we haven't all moved to Scotland. I can't get my head around the 10/11 for an Arsenal win over Manchester City. Liverpool need a new slogan to commemorate their status as the European Capital of Culture. I've suggested, 'Liverpool - Making fat kids cry since 2008'. I'll be inconsolable if the Reds beat Sunderland, I've been tempted by the 4/1 for a draw. With Liverpool stuttering like Jeremy Beadle's manicurist, a 4th place finish is unexpectedly up for grabs. I expect Blackburn v Everton to be tighter than Mido's belt as the war for four intensifies. I'm sitting on the fence at 9/4. Dave Kitson is in line for a shock call up to the England side. The Reading hitman will be overjoyed if he earns his first cap, as sunlight is a long-term foe. I've seen the light; I've backed Reading at 6/5 at home to Bolton. Cheryl Cole has followed Danielle Lloyd's lead in refusing to dump her allegedly unfaithful partner. What is it that makes these strong women stand by their men? I'll get my hands on lots of money when Manchester United beat Tottenham at even money. Now that Barack Obama has revealed himself to be a Hammer, Dave Whelan must be regretting his campaign to relegate West Ham towards the end of last season. Whelan may be able to fix the price of an England shirt, but he's going to lose a power battle with potentially the next leader of Iran. The Hammers have a 100% record at the JJB in the Premier League; Barack and I will be on at 9/5. If Derby were to avoid relegation, it would be the greatest shock since i arrived home from work early to find the wife in a degrading position; she was lying on the floor watching Beadle's About. I'll be even more disappointed if Birmingham fail to beat Derby at 4/7. It was a case of déjà vu for Kevin Keegan as Newcastle lost 3-0 to Arsenal in midweek; a few lads hit him on the head with a baseball bat. It's definitely wrong to kick someone when they're down, unless you're Alan Shearer. Newcastle isn't big enough for Keegan and Big Al, so God knows how Frank Lampard ever played there. 10/11 is plenty big enough for a Newcastle win over Middlesbrough. Like Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard has allegedly had a wandering eye. I can see why Lampard would have suitors, who amongst us doesn't like a large pair of breasts? Arsenal, Birmingham, Manchester United and Aston Villa form an accer that stands out at a particularly pert 11/1. Weekend Betting: Man City v Arsenal Saturday 2nd February 12:45 Live on Sky Man City 10/3 Draw 12/5 Arsenal 10/11 Get on: Arsenal Match Special: Adebayor and Eduardo both to score 8/1 Birmingham v Derby Saturday 2nd February 15:00 Birmingham 4/7 Draw 13/5 Derby 11/2 Get on: Birmingham Match Special: McFadden to score at any time 8/5 Blackburn v Everton Saturday 2nd February 15:00 Blackburn 11/8 Draw 9/4 Everton 2/1 Get on: Draw Match Special: No goalscorer in the match 8/1 Portsmouth v Chelsea Saturday 2nd February 15:00 Portsmouth 4/1 Draw 5/2 Chelsea 8/11 Get on: Draw Match Special: Baros to score in a 1-1 draw 25/1 Reading v Bolton Saturday 2nd February 15:00 Reading 6/5 Draw 9/4 Bolton 11/4 Get on: Reading Match Special: Kitson to score the first goal 5/1 Tottenham v Man Utd Saturday 2nd February 15:00 Tottenham 3/1 Draw 12/5 Man Utd Evs Get on: Man Utd Match Special: Ronaldo to score direct from a free kick 7/1 Wigan v West Ham Saturday 2nd February 15:00 Wigan 8/5 Draw 23/10 West Ham 9/5 Get on: West Ham Match Special: West Ham to score three or more goals 6/1 Liverpool v Sunderland Saturday 2nd February 17:15 Live on Setanta Liverpool 3/10 Draw 4/1 Sunderland 10/1 Get on: Draw Match Special: Sunderland +1.5 goals 23/20 Newcastle v Middlesbrough Sunday 3rd February 13:30 Live on Sky Newcastle 10/11 Draw 23/10 Middlesbrough 10/3 Get on: Newcastle Match Special: Duff to score the only goal of the game 45/1 Fulham v Aston Villa Sunday 3rd February 16:00 Live on Sky Fulham 9/4 Draw 9/4 Aston Villa 7/5 Get on: Aston Villa Match Special: Carew to score with a header 7/2 Posted by soccerbetting.info @ 11:47 AM

FA Cup weekend preview by Gerry McDonnell (Thursday, January 24, 2008)

Driving Miss Dozy Statistics are normally my trusted ally, but even close friends can occasionally fall out. Research claims to prove that men are over 50% more likely to be involved in a road accident than women, but that's probably because they've all been run over by dippy bints. Only last weekend, the wife's vertiginous nature led to a particularly bad smash. Betty was seriously shaken up, but luckily, a Scientologist was quickly on the scene. The incident would never have occurred if we lived in Saudi Arabia, as women are forbidden from driving by law. They must really respect their women to go to such lengths to keep them safe. The Saudi ladies have many other social advantages. When Manchester United played their controversial testimonial in Riyadh, the women were all banned from the stadium; presumably to protect them from the shock of viewing Rooney and Tevez. I can't take my eyes off the 7/1 for a Tottenham win over a jetlagged United side. While the Saudi women lead a life of luxury, the men are treated incredibly shabbily. Islamic law allows the males to marry up to four wives: so you can understand why a minority go apocalyptic. I'd consider destroying the West if I had to watch Eastenders four times a week. It's not all doom and gloom for the men, as multiple weddings equate to multiple stag nights. It's a little bit different over there though: it takes the stripper 25 minutes to whip out her elbows. There won't be a Stag party when Mansfield face Middlesbrough, Southgate's men will knock them out at a fundamentally sound 4/9. Amy Winehouse can only look on in jealousy at the freedoms offered to the women of the Middle East. Amy can't even water her plants without being harassed by the man, although she has been overdoing it with the hosepipe lately. I'll be having the craic with the 5/6 for a Derby win over Preston. The footballing world has changed dramatically since Kevin Keegan last flexed his managerial muscle. The game is now awash with American cowboys, and in a sign of solidarity with our friendly-firing brothers, Joey Barton now walks like John Wayne. I won't be backing Arsenal at 2/5 against Newcastle. The hell I won't. Liverpool v Havant & Waterlooville is what the FA Cup is all about: it's a bunch of nobodies getting spanked by a decent team. Bookies are as short as 1/100 about a Liverpool win, I'll play on the Reds -2.5 goals at a more punter friendly 1/2. Wigan looked to have completed a canny piece of business with the signing of Wilson Palacios. The Honduran is nicknamed 'Harry Potter', a moniker earned when his brother disappeared. 8/15 for a Chelsea win over Wigan will be vanishing soon. Mark Hughes is definitely a kind-hearted soul. He went face to face with Gareth Southgate last week, and he resisted the urge to laugh. I'll be smiling like a trout enthusiast around Leslie Ash when Aston Villa see off Blackburn at even money in the only Premier League fixture of the weekend. Frankly, I was quite disturbed by the news that Leslie Ash pocketed £5m after contracting a bug while in hospital. It's not like Lee Chapman needs the money, he already owns a mobile exercise unit. The controversial payout has led me to consider moving to the utopia that is Saudi Arabia. Naturally, this would lead to a conversion to Islam, which will conflict with my liberal beliefs. The wife would have to wear a veil though, so it's swings and roundabouts. Aston Villa, Arsenal, Portsmouth, Southampton and Watford form a 10/1 weekend accer that will pay for the necessary amount of tarpaulin. Labels: fa-cup-betting Posted by soccerbetting.info @ 12:50 PM

Premier League weekend preview by Gerry McDonnell (Thursday, January 17, 2008)

Rings that go bump in the night My heart goes out to the clinically depressed and the morbidly obese, but I have a genuine illness; I suffer from sleep deprivation. I believe my condition is a result of an incident that occurred many years ago, when I was naïve enough to believe that physical attractiveness was not an essential requirement in the process of potential mate selection. It was a Saturday night, and I found myself frequenting a nightclub with a group of friends, such was the custom at that time. As 2am arrived and a sense of desperation filled the air, I approached a lady who I thought looked quite hot. It turned out she was just very sweaty. As she made her intentions clear, I made the cardinal error of not topping up my alcohol level before exiting the building. On the taxi ride home, sobriety kicked in like a tortured mule. Within two minutes of entering my humble abode, she was parading shamelessly in her birthday suit. It was at this stage that I fully appreciated the gravity of the situation. Unfortunately, my plea to go directly to the cigarette fell upon deaf ears. Without going into too much detail of what followed, I can confirm that I didn't get a wink of sleep all night, and I've struggled to get my head down ever since. As the dawn approached like a guardian angel, I plucked up the courage to ask her to leave by the back door, which was somewhat ironic. I made a conscious decision that morning to never return to the club, as the experience left me close to a breakdown. Kevin Keegan has been far less pragmatic. I do expect a significant short-term improvement for the Toon Army; I'll be getting on the Geordies at 5/6 at home to Bolton. I was quite surprised that Steve Bruce was never approached by Mike Ashley. Bruce has been in charge of Wigan for about seven weeks, so he is definitely due a move. I expect to see a massive move on Everton to beat Wigan at an exceedingly pleasant 11/8. Fulham FC share a trait of mine: they start off quickly, but lack stamina. The Cottagers have lost a lead in 10 of their 22 Premier League matches this season, blowing 25 points in the process. I can only put Fulham's lack or resolve down to poor conditioning; I'll buy them a case of 'Wash & Go' after Arsenal turn them over at 8/15. Blackburn are still struggling to find a replacement for Robbie Savage. They came close last week, but Sun Hill refused to release Gillian Taylforth. I'm diving on the 4/5 for a Blackburn win over Middlesbrough. With matches at White Hart Lane producing an average of 5.1 goals, Juande Ramos has been forced to tighten up at the back; so he's dropped Paul Robinson like an opinionated girlfriend. Spurs are on an upward curve as a result, they're a confident selection at 4/9 against Sunderland. Manchester City are a Jekyll and Hyde club. When they play at home, they're an object of unquestionable beauty, yet when they leave Eastlands, they're as useful as a military recruitment centre in Paris. West Ham are making the now familiar trip to the City of Manchester Stadium, you have to like the even money for another home win. I was genuinely surprised by the amount of appearances made by a relatively young Jamie Carragher. I haven't seen 500 clocked up so quickly since the wife last stood on the scales. A Liverpool win over Villa will be a weight off my mind; I'm playing heavily at 4/6. Ronaldo is on course to be the first wide man since George Best to receive the Golden Boot. There are many similarities between the two players. Best was a Manchester United hero, as is Ronaldo. Best was a phenomenal dribbler, as is the Portuguese step-over expert. Best loved his women. I'll be trying to get on Manchester United at 4/9 to beat Reading. John Terry has been outed as a Manchester United supporter, further perpetrating the myth that most of United's support originates in London. That's an insult to the Chinese. I'll take it as a personal insult if Chelsea slip up against Birmingham at 4/6. After starting the season on fire, Benjani has reverted to type. If missed chances were pints of lager, he'd have a liver like George Best. I'm taking a chance on the draw between Portsmouth and Derby at 10/3. I can't think of George Best without remembering the time that I had a badly damaged organ. That night still haunts me, and I can't sleep without the aid of sedatives. Luckily, I've been carrying them around with me for a number of years, as you never know when opportunity will knock. Chelsea, Tottenham, Newcastle, Everton and Liverpool form a fantastic 15/1 betting opportunity that only comes along once every seven days. Weekend Betting: Birmingham v Chelsea Saturday 19th January 15:00 Birmingham 11/2 Draw 27/10 Chelsea 4/6 Get on: Chelsea Match Special: Anelka to score the only goal of the game 22/1 Blackburn v Middlesbrough Saturday 19th January 15:00 Blackburn 4/5 Draw 13/5 Middlesbrough 4/1 Get on: Blackburn Match Special: Bentley to score from outside of the penalty area 13/2 Fulham v Arsenal Saturday 19th January 15:00 Fulham 7/1 Draw 3/1 Arsenal 8/15 Get on: Arsenal Match Special: Eduardo and Adebayor both to score 11/2 Portsmouth v Derby Saturday 19th January 15:00 Portsmouth 4/9 Draw 10/3 Derby 8/1 Get on: Draw Match Special: No goalscorer in the match 12/1 Reading v Man Utd Saturday 19th January 15:00 Reading 8/1 Draw 7/2 Man Utd 4/9 Get on: Man Utd Match Special: Ronaldo to score direct from a free kick 6/1 Tottenham v Sunderland Saturday 19th January 15:00 Tottenham 4/9 Draw 16/5 Sunderland 7/1 Get on: Tottenham Match Special: Robbie Keane to score two or more goals 5/1 Newcastle v Bolton Saturday 19th January 17:15 Live on Setanta Newcastle 5/6 Draw 12/5 Bolton 10/3 Get on: Newcastle Match Special: Owen to score a hat-trick 33/1 Wigan v Everton Sunday 20th January 13:30 Live on Sky Wigan 11/5 Draw 23/10 Everton 11/8 Get on: Everton Match Special: Arteta to score at any time 5/1 Man City v West Ham Sunday 20th January 16:00 Live on Sky Man City Evs Draw 12/5 West Ham 3/1 Get on: Man City Match Special: Petrov to score the first goal 9/1 Liverpool v Aston Villa Monday 21st January 20:00 Live on Setanta Liverpool 4/6 Draw 14/5 Aston Villa 11/2 Get on: Liverpool Match Special: Liverpool to win and keep a clean sheet 17/10 Posted by soccerbetting.info @ 1:21 PM

Premier League weekend preview by Gerry McDonnell (Thursday, January 10, 2008)

Rise of the foot long soldier When it comes to a worthy cause, I live to give. I was so moved by Pele's appeal to help men with erectile dysfunction that i agreed to pay £10 a month towards the campaign, but unfortunately I wasn't able to keep it up. Liverpool FC were not so generous of spirit when Luton Town asked for financial assistance before their FA Cup tie. The Reds were well within their rights to refuse to help, as they already look after the needy by paying Jamie Carragher a weekly wage. Jamie probably has the thinnest skin in football. A radio DJ once questioned his decision to retire from international football as he wasn't guaranteed a starting-place, so Jamie incredibly rang him up to arrange a meet where they could 'discuss it' further. Violence against radio personalities is totally unacceptable, with the obvious exception of Sara Cox. Carragher hit the headlines again this week when he allegedly jumped up onto a barrier to confront a number of abusive wig-wearing Luton supporters. I believe the FA should spare no expense in finding a solution to crowd provocation, and I know that Jamie is happy to throw money at the problem. An investment on Middlesbrough to beat Liverpool at 9/2 will put a few coins in the kitty. Mark Hughes is an astute manager. Defeats to Larissa in the UEFA Cup and Coventry in the FA Cup have guaranteed that fixture congestion will not be an issue. Blackburn are unbeaten in Bolton on their last eight visits, a draw at 23/10 will keep that impressive stat rolling. I try to avoid blowing my own horn, but I can easily relate to people of differing intelligence. If you possess an IQ of 160, I can happily discuss mathematical probability or the ups and downs of nuclear fission. If your IQ is less than 50, I'm equally at home discussing the pros and cons of your move to Derby. Robbie Savage can help the ailing Rams take a point off Wigan at 9/4. Dave Kitson has been rightfully slaughtered for making disparaging remarks about the FA Cup. The ginger hitman disgracefully claimed that he couldn't give 'the Neville brothers' about the historical competition. Personally, I'm a stickler for tradition, and Reading have never won at Villa Park in their history. I'll be backing the Villa at 8/13, and then backing them again. That's two hits. Arsene Wenger has once again hit the jackpot with the sublime Eduardo. I haven't seen anyone look so comfortable in the box since Martina Navratilova. 1/5 for an Arsenal win over Birmingham is simply smashing. Apparently, Everton's trophy room has been burgled. Police are asking the public to be on the lookout for several replicas of the FA Cup, the League Cup and the Cup Winners Cup. I'll be having it away with the 6/5 for an Everton win over Manchester City. If Fulham FC were a flavour of ice cream, they would definitely be vanilla. That reminds me of the old song, "I scream, you scream, we all scream if we accidentally look at Carlos Tevez." I'll be shrieking like Britney Spears when I take the 3/4 for a West Ham win over Fulham. Portsmouth have been hit extremely hard by the African Cup of Nations, they're literally down to the bare bones. Sunderland can take full advantage at 15/8. The early money in the 'next Newcastle manager' market suggests that Harry Redknapp is a shoo-in for the post. Being something of a non-believer, I've layed Harry at 1.65 and I have no intention of closing my position. If you're reading this late and Harry has already taken the job, then I changed my mind and greened out for a MASSIVE profit. I'll throw my expected winnings on Manchester United to beat Newcastle at 1/4. Ashley Cole was left mystified when Avram Grant stripped him off the captaincy after an hour last week. He hasn't been this stunned since Arsenal insulted him by offering a derisory £55,000 a week. I nearly crashed my car when I heard that bookmakers were offering 5/1 for a Tottenham win over Chelsea. Such an act of generosity has left me in a state of reflection, musing over my own decision to stop supporting the global fight against impotence. I genuinely wanted to honour my commitment, but at the end of the day, I'm not a working stiff. People who have never suffered from erectile dysfunction are quick to poke fun at those who have; but I simply refuse to rise to the bait. If you don't back Arsenal, Aston Villa, Everton and Sunderland in a 10/1 accer, you won't be able to get up in the morning. Weekend Betting: Arsenal v Birmingham Saturday 12th January 15:00 Arsenal 1/5 Draw 5/1 Birmingham 18/1 Get on: Arsenal Match Special: Eduardo to score a hat-trick 16/1 Aston Villa v Reading Saturday 12th January 15:00 Aston Villa 8/13 Draw 11/4 Reading 5/1 Get on: Aston Villa Match Special: Laursen to score at any time 9/1 Chelsea v Tottenham Saturday 12th January 15:00 Chelsea 3/4 Draw 11/4 Tottenham 5/1 Get on: Tottenham Match Special: Tottenham to score two or more goals 7/2 Derby v Wigan Saturday 12th January 15:00 Derby 11/5 Draw 9/4 Wigan 6/4 Get on: Draw Match Special: Robbie Savage to be booked 6/4 Everton v Man City Saturday 12th January 15:00 Everton 6/5 Draw 12/5 Man City 13/5 Get on: Everton Match Special: Cahill to score the only goal of the game 40/1 Middlesbrough v Liverpool Saturday 12th January 15:00 Middlesbrough 9/2 Draw 13/5 Liverpool 3/4 Get on: Middlesbrough Match Special: Middlesbrough to win and keep a clean sheet 13/2 West Ham v Fulham Saturday 12th January 15:00 West Ham 3/4 Draw 11/4 Fulham 9/2 Get on: West Ham Match Special: Ashton to score two or more goals 15/2 Man Utd v Newcastle Saturday 12th January 17:15 Live on Setanta Man Utd 1/4 Draw 9/2 Newcastle 14/1 Get on: Man Utd Match Special: Rooney and Ronaldo both to score 5/1 Sunderland v Portsmouth Sunday 13th January 13:30 Live on Sky Sunderland 15/8 Draw 23/10 Portsmouth 6/4 Get on: Sunderland Match Special: Kenwyne Jones to score with a header 11/2 Bolton v Blackburn Sunday 13th January 16:00 Live on Sky Bolton 6/4 Draw 23/10 Blackburn 2/1 Get on: Draw Match Special: Bentley to score in a 1-1 draw 30/1 Posted by soccerbetting.info @ 11:40 AM

FA Cup weekend preview by Gerry McDonnell (Thursday, January 03, 2008)

Let's all do the Bart Man Ignorance is not necessarily bliss. I've recently discovered that binge drinking can lead to long-term health problems, such as crabs and Chlamydia. The arrival of a new year offers me the opportunity to reflect upon my previous excess and resolve to make a significant change. I have made a solemn pledge to drink no more than the next man; as long as the man next to me is Joey Barton. I hope that Joey has used his time in custody productively, and has questioned the wisdom of some of his earlier decisions. He should never have taken tips on dining etiquette from Lee Bowyer. A source close to Sam Allardyce has told me that Nicky Butt is extremely disappointed in his teammate's behaviour, and will be having a quiet little word in his ear to remind him of his responsibilities. Just when Joey thought things couldn't get any worse, he now has a sore Butt to contend with. I'll happily pounce on the 11/8 for a Newcastle win over Stoke. Lee Hughes can empathise with the Barton situation, as he has also returned to football after completing a stretch. "I was touching my toes every night," bragged the ginger fitness fanatic. Many people were disappointed with Oldham's decision to employ Hughes on his release, but Andy Johnson remains fully supportive; he's even promised to make an 'A' sign if he scores a goal. Everton will run over an outclassed Oldham at 1/4. Manchester United supporters always enjoy their trip to the midlands for their traditional FA Cup 3rd round meeting with Aston Villa. Not only have they saw their team emerge victorious on each of their last eight visits, it's also a shorter journey than they're accustomed to. I'm absolutely overjoyed with the prospect of 10/11 for another Manchester United win. Steve Bruce compared purchasing players in January to buying puppies at Christmas, "You have to make sure it's long term and for the right reasons," lectured the pugnacious manager. I'll definitely be getting my hands on a couple of puppies if Sunderland end Wigan's campaign at 5/4. An apoplectic Juande Ramos threatened to completely dismantle the Spurs team after they lost to Aston Villa in midweek. I fully expect to see a superhuman effort from the Tottenham players after the manager's tirade. They can be heroes, just for Juande. Tottenham will repeat last week's victory over Reading at 8/15. Freddie Ljungberg is still suffering from migraines. My wife can totally sympathise with the Swede, she's had a recurring headache for five years. I will be getting my hands on the 6/4 for a West Ham win over Manchester City. Mark Hughes appears to be willing to release Robbie Savage. The Blackburn manager stated that Robbie 'doesn't take not playing very well' and added that Savage was 'frustrated'. That's just a fancy way of confirming what we already suspected. I'll be furiously pounding the 2/5 for a Blackburn win over Coventry. Coventry could do with a decent cup run, as they still face the threat of liquidation. That must be one big blender. Burnley face an absolute shoeing at the hands of Arsenal, I'm taking an involvement at 2/5. QPR have some serious financial clout in the boardroom. Lakshmi Mittal could buy and sell Roman Abramovich like a cheap blonde, although Mark Hughes is now attempting to flood the market. Backing Chelsea to beat QPR at 1/6 will lead to small economic growth. The 'romance of the cup' may be a cliché, but I genuinely fancy Sheffield Wednesday to pull off an upset against Derby at 7/2. In fact, it will be more of a shock if they don't. Incredibly, I was once accused of being unromantic. This allegation is a complete fabrication. Even when drinking heavily, i'll always pay for a lady's kebab before introducing her to the little G. If Tottenham, West Ham, Arsenal and Newcastle land a 10/1 weekend accer, I'll even consider throwing in a small chips. Labels: fa-cup Posted by soccerbetting.info @ 4:57 PM